Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
