arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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