is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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