We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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