Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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