M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
