I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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