its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
