Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
