North Korea, Best Korea!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
