it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
