I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
