everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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