i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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