Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize