my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
