i wish there were pregnant emoticons
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
