we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
