What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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