Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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