i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
