He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
