oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
