Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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