True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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