I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
