Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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