Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
