I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
