That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
