well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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