A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
