He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
