I must be too annoying 4 u.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
