omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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