WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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