mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
