You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
