I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
