i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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