While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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