I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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