two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
