your parents love me but you hate me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize