look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
