I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
