Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
