i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize