do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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