i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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