Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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