I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
