I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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