just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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