i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
