i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
