Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize