I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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