I want to have your abortion
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
