Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
