I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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