I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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