i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
