I wanna passion pit in your ass
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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