hell yes lets make some ravioli
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
