I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
foreskin is a definite game changer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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