My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
