yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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