he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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