anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
