don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
