i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
