Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
