i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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